Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide

Living the ecstatic life. Bring it on. (Book review of Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas-by Dan Nicholas 3.1.13)If you ever wanted to take your sex as seriously as a down south Baptist takes the Bible, get this book. I talked about this paperback with my adult kids during Christmas after church. Over and over and over. It's about the how and the why we so need to live an ecstatic life. This book is that good.Her work here comes no doubt from her road tested workshops with real live people on these things. I've got to read Urban Tantra next. And take her workshop when it comes out this way. I love the way she challenges you to write down your thoughts; like on just why is it that you have sex anyway?I first fell in love with the spirituality of this lady Barbara in Joani Blank's book I Am My Lover (see my Amazon review on that book, too), in that tale of how she looked so forward to an ecstatic, orgasmic connection with God and the universe in taking that first Eucharist as a young lady. She was so promised a life changing ecstatic moment by the nuns in her Catholic school leading up to that first communion. Partaking of the Mysteries unfazed, she left the auspicious church ceremony her dream unrealized. Instead of joy, she found her tears. Running home, she immediately climbed a tree, weeping. She found there her own ecstatic, orgasmic connection with the universe and with God, with creation, with that tree and that moment, climbing. One more spiritual seeker turned away from the riches of the church.And yet, what a sad and glorious beginning to what has turned into a great career for Barbara. She writes and teaches now, helping the rest of us experience a wider and deeper love life and God life with ourselves and those important to us.I've watched the YouTube of her being filmed having a Look Ma No Hands orgasm for Dr. Barry Komisaruk who does that wonderful research there at Rutgers University on the science of sexual ecstasy. I first heard of his work a decade back in Woman Who Love Sex by Gina Ogden. To live each day at that orgasmic edge, this seems the point of this book. And what a delightful thought, to want that much that often. I've seen the same dream in Nicole Daedone and her OneTaste organization and her book Slow Sex, all about living orgasmically. Her TED talk on how she believes that orgasms--having them, participating in facilitating them with someone dear--is the cure for world hunger. Crazy talk like that is so delightful and echoes what Barbara speaks of here in this book on the necessity of ecstatic living.Barbara gets us thinking in this meditation on orgasmic living. She gets us thinking bigger, wider thoughts about what sex is. What life is even. Indeed, I go back to that homework assignment to write down why I have sex. She got me thinking with that one--a lot. That exercise turned into a wonderful poem I spent a week writing. To myself. To God. To my wife. Nice.This work will challenge you and push you like that. You may well say that Carrellas goes places in her ecstatic quest that would frighten the pants off most of us. True. Yet, the book was not really so much about pants off/pants or esoteric spiritual sex practices as it was about living as friend to your own bodily existence; as a friend with life force within; a friend to your own sexuality and spirituality and creative self.So I say, if you desire to become a better lover and better human being; and you are a Want More kind of man or woman: buy this book. And plan to take time reading it. Because it will make you do some serious soul work. Fret not. It's serious soul sex work. And because it has sex it, well, it's fun. And worth it! Pants on, pants off fun. Thinking caps on here. Get busy. Read this book.

Barbara's book is about sex, but it's so much MORE than sex - like I always say, our sexuality is connected with everything else in our lives. If we can address our sexuality without fear or shame, it frees us up to enjoy other aspects of our lives more fully.Barbara shares so many of the messages I spout, but she does so in such a loving, compassionate, patient manner. She does an excellent job explaining concepts that might be unfamiliar to the reader.Therefore, it would greatly behoove you to read this book, as it will clarify and reinforce many truths about sex in a way that will make you feel safe and empowered.Honestly, I'm embarrassed to admit I hadn't heard of the author and educator until my friend David Wraith told me about her new book and accompanying tour. I'm familiar with many of her other contemporaries - Annie Sprinkle, Nina Hartley, Denise Linn, Bettie Dodson, Dossie Easton and more - so I'm glad I have been introduced to her work and am eager to share it with you.For instance, she teaches the Something More Factor. No matter where you are when it comes to your own orgasms, whether you've never had one or have more than one a day - you can enjoy Something More, if you desire. You can have more orgasms, longer orgasms, deeper orgasms - and orgasms are one ticket to ecstasy and bliss. Having an orgasm creates similar brain waves as meditation.From the book:"The Something More Factor is what drives us all in erotic - and spiritual - exploration. The longing for Something More impels some people to dive into the deep end of the pool of sexual excess, and stops others from even dipping their toes into the water. The search for Something More requires permission - from oneself or from some higher authority. Even if your family, society, spiritual community, or school encourages you to find Something More, you still need to be able and willing to give yourself permission to go find it.This is not a traditional sex how-to book. It is not filled with sex tips or techniques. There are many excellent books, blogs, podcasts, and DVDs available today that provide accurate and inspiring information for more creative sex. This book is not meant to replace any of these things. Instead, this book will help you get the most out of them."I love the descriptions of ecstasy people share with her. One of my favorites is, "Ecstasy feels like God and Goddess are making love with each other inside of my body."Barbara says that ecstasy is not a goal, and that "ecstatic experiences may be found everywhere along countless paths to self-love and personal growth."

The section about a "permission slip" to explore your own life and pleasure, is well worth buying this book for alone. If you like this book you may also consider checking out "Urban Tantra" which is another fantastic resource for those seekers out there! :)

Barbara is a marvelous teacher and her love of the subject is reflected in this work... nice practical guides for living an embodied life outside of the "usual" way that most of are brought up to think. Give it a read

Very informative and has a lot of practical advice. Not just about sex but about enjoying everything in your life

The author spent to much time on her personal pursuits. Ther was not enough information on how to improve your erotic focus. The book was fairly mild and unimaginative.

Whether you are currently in a relationship or not, this book is superb and has something for everyone. I also highly recommend Barbara's workshops - whether you attend with a partner or not - they are wonderful. She has a unique way of communicating and creating a safe space that I truly appreciate. I highly recommend!

Very good book

How wonderful to have a book like this!It's radical, honest and - most important - shows that nothing's wrong in enjoying an ecstatic sexual life.Thank you Barbara Carrellas for being such a wonderful coach!

This book I think is better than Urban Tantra and provides direct access to the in-depth relation of love through Tantra.