Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder Paperback – July 1, 2011

Regardless of actual diagnoses, my partner's ex is a classic 'blamer' - perceives herself as a victim, makes false allegations, recruits negative advocates, refuses to take responsibility, unwilling to apologize or change her behavior. Their divorce process has lasted for over a year, not because of any legal dispute but simply because it's a personality based disagreement. Having read many books on divorce at this point, this is singlehandedly the most informative one that really highlights the predictability of a blamer's behavior, reassuring the reader that nothing about their case is unique. This is a must read for anyone divorcing a blamer.

First off if somebody tells you they have BPD then DO NOT marry them! Heed my advice lol.No matter how good they seem to be at the time, they will change and you will suffer for it. I wish I had read this book a month earlier, especially the part about warning your place of employment. Again, no matter how much you try to get them to communicate like an adult or how many times you try to do the right thing..........it will not matter! You are dealing with somebody who has the mentality of a spoiled petulant teenager and that will not change no matter how accommodating you try to be. This is especially true if the PwBPD has an enabler who is just as or more messed up than they are.Cut these people out of your life ASAP, or else like a cancer the tentacles will spread and continue to make it more difficult to escape. This book does a good job of highlighting their play book and the mentality. Luckily I was aware of most of this and have been documenting and planning for this scenario for upwards of 6 months.Document EVERYTHING and save EVERYTHING!!! They WILL lie about you and having everything in writing makes it easier to counter the world they have made up in their head. They do not do well at all when presented with hard evidence of their lies and deceit.The most important thing you can take away from this review is that the person you are divorcing is in no way shape or form the same person you married. Do not make the mistake of thinking that somewhere deep inside is that person you know and cared for who was rational and logical. They DO NOT exist anymore. Holding onto the notion that they do and trying to be accommodating in the hope they will show up and act like an adult is a fool's errand. Learn from my mistakes and accept that the person you knew has in essence died and is gone forever. Any other thought will only serve to make you suffer further and create even more issues for yourself while doing nothing but benefiting them and their made up world.Cut your losses, get out and learn to enjoy your life and find somebody who will actually love you and care for you for who you are as a person and appreciate the things you do for them to help them in life.

If I were a family law attorney, I would have several copies of this book and I would make it a mandatory read for every client I was actively representing. So many tools are presented to mitigating unnecessary stress and strain, and even more tools on how to show the court what they NEED to know: patterns of behavior without turning things into a “he-said-she-said” debacle.

There is a lot of good practical info in this book. That being said he basically says has a running theme through the book that “blamers” can and will do whatever they want with little to no consequences. Meanwhile according to Mr Eddy being an actual good person is of minimal consideration when going through family court. It is really sad that someone with the experience he has allows these personality types of the hook for their actions. Going as far to say “sometimes you have to get what you can get and be happy with it”. He also defends judges by saying “they have a high case load”. In a chapter about the Blamers attorney he makes it clear that a “negative advocate attorney type” can make false accusations in court with no factual evidence and have absolutely no repercussions. This book is just disheartening to read when someone who genuinely cares about their child reads it. The reason for family court is supposed to be focused on the child and what is best for the child. His perspective and this book clearly state that is not the case. The information in this book from Mr. Eddy’s extensive experience in these matters reveals very clear flaws in each and every aspect of family court process. The basic summary of this book is these types can do whatever they want. They can lie, make false accusations, con experts assigned to the case without needing factual evidence to substantiate these claims. On top of that the attorneys for these types can flat out lie and it is accepted and even potentially has a significant impact on the outcome of the case. They do this knowingly because they know that they will never be held accountable for their unethical behavior. Then gives judges a free pass for their decisions by stating “ The main job of a Judge is to move things forward due to the high number of cases”. What the hell kind of system is this? False accusations immediately held as fact, lawyers lying with zero care about fact checking and judges making sure the assembly line of cases keeps running. This is what somehow passes for the standard of determining some of the most important and impactful decisions for our children, their well being and the future they will have. Thank you Mr. Eddy for making it crystal clear the family court system is a joke.