Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow Paperback – January 5, 1998

I have used, reread and given this book to friends. It’s a keeper… Sadly so, but it helps!

I first came across Judith Viorst's *Necessary Losses* when it first came out in 1986. I was a 26 year old first year MSW student in a clinical program, and took away from the book, which made a great impression upon me, that it was about how friendships change, that there are different friends for different times and places--and that is how I referred to the book for years. Just last year I reread it as a 57 year old who, disillusioned and ready for something new, had long ago left the profession of social work. I was reminded that Viorst's writing is informed by her psychoanalytic training but exudes the warmth and passion that characterize the very best therapists no matter what their theoretical foundation. She is also a great writer--my favorite of her books being one for children and the adults who think like them,*Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*-- and in no way felt outdated when I reread the book in 2014. This time, however, the parts that stood out for me were about aging and navigating the inevitable losses that go with a time of life unimaginable to my younger self but all too real for who I am now. And that, to me, makes this book a classic, fresh and new at whatever age you happen to be when you read it.

I haven't finished the book yet, but I find that after five years of intensive therapy I have finally found a self-help book that has helped me with a breakthrough which I have been unable to make. I have cried through it and found it very well written for the laymen. To think I used to love her children's books, especially, "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good awful day". She knows from whence she speaks and has helped me to realize that life is full of losses from the moment we are born. It is how we are taught to deal with them that enables us to become as well adjusted adults as we can be. It isn't just about people who have died, it is about living with losses through separation, from child to adult; losses of periods of our lives, losses of joy, or even emotions. I can't say much more. My therapist, who is excellent, told me I was ready to read the book, and I was and still am. And I love being able to cry and mourn the losses that I always thought were silly to feel anything about.

I read this years ago, but with my husband’s cancer diagnosis, I decided to read it again. It has some good information on grief, loss and mourning.

This book was life-changing. I lost my father when I was seven and was not allowed to grieve. I read this book fifty years later, and it opened the door to all the loss I was not given permission to feel as a child. I could only read it a little at a time, but it allowed the healing I hadn't found earlier. This is an important book on many levels. It';s not an easy book, but it is transformative.I had to read the book a chapter at a time and then reflect on it. I survived quite a bit of loss from the time I was a very small child, and this book helped me to understand the impact of that loss. One or two chapters opened up very deep emotions. I spent one weekend in bed sobbing after reading one. nevertheless, I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with loss or abandonment issues. It was wonderfully insightful and helped me deal with issues too long buried.

Judith Viorst is an excellent author with an amazing psychoanalytic perspective.She really puts the experience of having a damaging/dysfunctioning parent, partner, sibling, friend, and YOU into perspective.Different marriage dynamics, a “mismatch” in neonate/parent temperament, parents with inappropriate boundaries, parents who would rather set their children on fire than be burdened with raising them, spouses who require constant doting and validation but feel a deep betrayal when asked to reciprocate…It’s all here, plus so much more. Highly recommend!

The price was right, very cheap but the book was not as well maintained as i thought it would be.

Read all of this author's books, and keep these near, so you may read areas of each book that will keep mentally healthy 👍