Our Mothers, Ourselves: How Understanding Your Mother's Influence Can Set You on a Path to a Better Life

Until my thirties, I thought feeling depressed after my mom cussed me out and hung up was just the way life was. “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother,” so they say. Reading, Our Mother’s, Ourselves, cast new light on my relationship with my mom. This book illuminated my unhealthy pattern of taking ownership for my mom’s reactions that has persisted since my childhood. Raised in the single-parent home of a Trophy and Controlling Mom, I realized she did 90% of the talking in our “conversations.” After listening to another 30-minute rant, she’d become enraged if I didn’t react the way she expected me to. Mild disagreement with her conspiracy theories, bitterness toward family members she saw as “enemies”, or what food I feed her grandchild sent her into a rage I took ownership of as a “loving” son. Taking ownership of her negativity spun me into a cycle of guilt and depression. Drs. Cloud and Townsend showed me how to break this unhealthy cycle of co-dependency. This how-to guide showed me how to set stronger limits on my limited time (especially now I’m a parent myself) and enjoy a more equal friendship with my mom. Our Mothers, Ourselves set me on a path to a better life by helping me realize I am not responsible for meeting all the social and emotional needs of mom. Sure, she still cusses me out and hangs up over mild disagreements, such as my choice to feed my infant pureed, rather than solid, baby food. After reading this book though, I don’t feel the need to make an apologetic “rebound phone call.” Our Mothers, Ourselves restored peace, emotional wellness, and heath to my grown-up relationship with mom, now between two adults free to be our own person.

I'm so glad I made this purchase. I didn't realize when I did so, that this book is written through the lens of Christianity, but this doesn't alter how effective the material is. In fact, since many of us were taught to "honor thy mother and father," regardless of our current religious beliefs the book can be additionally helpful. I've returned to it more than once to glean additional insight, and I highly recommend it. Our mothers have a primary influence on our lives, whether they are still alive and actively involved with us or not. Sorting out how they impact us can be a huge challenge. This book provides a great key to ease confusion and aid in healing.

If you have or had a mother, a step mother, mother in law, mother figure, or absent mother - read this book!! SO MANY THINGS about your thinking, beliefs, and decision making will make sense.If you have hurts from your mother that affect you in the present, the authors give a way ahead that DOESN’T involve your mother changing. Just you.Side note. If you ARE a mother, read this book!! The younger the better.

This book was amazing in the fact that it provided me with a lot of insight and helpful information on the "mothering" process. I felt validated and understood and was able to better see where my mother fell short (but without making moms seem like they're all evil). As a mother myself, it also helped me to see where I could be falling short and helped me correct any negative patterns I carried in from my childhood.Now onto the biblical part. The authors are Christians, and that's great although I felt like this book could do without the scripture references. I am a Christian myself so it's not like I found the scripture offensive. I actually kind of found the way the authors USED the scripture as offensive. Most of the verses were pulled out of context to fit the point they were trying to make. It seems to lack a deeper understanding of what the verses actually mean when reading the surrounding text of each verse.So basically, to sum it all up, insightful book. But the scripture quoted doesn't really add to anything the authors state. If anything, it added some confusion as I read.

Like most of Cloud and Townsend’s books the information is simple and straightforward, but many of the concepts run deep. I have found I usually understand more and can pull out useful nuggets on the second reading. Overall, very interesting read on how our relationship with our mothers impacts our current relationships.

What really impressed me about this book was about how well written it is. It is very respectful to talk about moms, even in the worst scenario. The point of view is deep for both sides and offers very good tools to deal with the problems in practical manners. I truly recommend it.

I am so grateful I found this book. After reading many books on codependency and self worth, this one gave me the insight and perspective to really change my viewpoint and actually resolve the issues in my life instead of harboring anger and resentment. Great read!

Having had my own mom issues, I found this book very helpful. I saw my mom and understood her better. I saw myself and what must work on. Sound advise for every reader.

This book taught me how to address perpetual pains and issues in my life. This book helped me AS MUCH as the dozens of different types of counselling methods and counsellors. I would suggest reading through this book with a professional because there is so much. It also helped me, help my wife be a, more aware mom.

This book has changed my world. I started with the boundaries book and am working through the workbook. That was super helpful for trying to resolve some of the issues. This book helps you unpack where the issues have come from. The only criticism I'd have is this. It's not helpful to say that it's always the case you're responsible for the issues as an adult and not separating etc. I don't agree with that. Now that I'm aware of the issue, it absolutely *is* my responsibility to resolve it and take ownership of it. But I've been trapped and resentful for a long time, feeling I can't exit, mostly out of guilt, particularly to scriptures that have been misused and misquoted at me telling me that this is how good Christians need to behave. So to those of you in the same boat, don't waste energy beating yourself up or regretting not knowing it didn't have to be like this. Read this book and take ownership now! From here on out, I am responsible for what happens next. Nonetheless an excellent book.

Great book. Very helpful.