Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Paperback – February 1, 2011

So... This book. This book is like a red pilled relationship book BEFORE the red pill ever existed. And it's such an essential text in today's dating market that it should be a MUST READ rite of passage book for every young woman when she turns 18.I read this book at the very beginning of a brand new, if I can now admit it... Courtship.Yes ladies, not just DATING, but a true old fashioned courtship with an amazing man who is PLANNING A LIFE FOR US, and making me his wife next year. And of course, I am so excited to one day have him as my husband.But, the old me would never have given him a chance. He was shorter than what I've dated, he was too nice and normal, he called when he said he would, he showed me he was genuinely interested. He sent me texts messages that annoyed the crap out of me. He called. He showed up.All the qualities I was DYING for the flashy idiot charismatic yet not-looking-for-marriage to have. If he were doing all of those things, I'd be SMITTEN.It was then that I realized all of my years (at 41), that I WAS the problem in my singleness. It wasn't that there were no single men wanting to settle down.It was that I WAS choosing the wrong men, and letting the amazing ones go because I was fixed on a fantasy man that nobody could live up to.This book slammed that RIGHT into my face, and... Saved my budding relationship with my guy.Gottlieb's cautionary tale unfolds in waters we all know. Out in the dating jungle, dating the same type of guys over and over with a different name and face.Finding yourself heartbroken, wanting to quit, yet getting back out there each time.Her journey with us through her dating landscape is engaging, funny, UNBELIEVABLE, and also - brutally honest.And that's going to be the hardest part for many of you. Look at the ratings here...MOST WOMEN CANNOT TAKE THE INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK!They walk away upset and angry because they are either so duped by the lies told by our feminist culture about dating and marriage that they refuse to see the truth. Or they realize, it's too late. Their sexual market value is low, they need to compete with younger women now, men their age see them as second or third choice, and the idea of "settling" is a hard pill to swallow.But this ISN'T a book about settling. It's a book about being REALISTIC.It's a book about how not to make stupid choice about men! About how to choose better based on your NEEDS vs your superficial list (that nobody can actually FULLY fulfill).Look, I'm lucky. At 41, I'm a former model, a fitness professional (so my body is TIGHT as a 20 year old), and I have no kids. So my dating pool still has/had some great options and choice of men. But even still, I was finding fault with EVERYONE. When I opened my eyes and heart, I found my guy.He's 4 years older, handsome, fit, loving, kind, protective, a provider, HIGHLY successful and from a good family. He wants marriage and children. He could have chosen A YOUNGER WOMAN, but it's me he wants. And not only that, he sees ME as his forever - as I do him. I almost walked away from that had it not been for this book (and my therapist 🙃 😅).There is something in YOU that has to change. There is something that YOU need to shift in your path to finding the right man for you. This book will help you to uncover it.I almost gave it 4 stars because this book, written 12 years ago as of today, was the author's tale and I noticed as I was reading it that she still wasn't married. And so I feared, she still hasn't learned the lesson.However the last chapter wrapped ALL of that up, and I just stood with a STANDING OVATION for how she tied it all together. And it made sense.Ladies...Do yourself a favor.SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE - AND READ THIS BOOK.Wake up out of The Matrix, and fix your approach to dating.Take the blue pill if you want and go back to sleep, wondering why you're still single, can't find a good man, and wondering if you'll just die alone.The chances are far less if you actually read and apply the principles Gottlieb lays out bare before you!Good luck!

I really enjoyed reading this book which inspired me to look at my relationships in a new perspective. Lori is like a girlfriend who will talk to you for hours about a subject you deeply care about but your other girlfriends won't because they are too busy being married, having babies, pursuing a career, or looking for Mr. Right. She will talk to you about your innermost fears and desires, make you laugh, think, and give you all the wisdom of her own relationships, her friends, and mentors. I really appreciated the candor with which she discussed her own relationships and those she interviewed. There are so many confusing messages out there, and Lori cuts through the rhetoric of feminism to give us a realistic perspective on dating, especially at a late age. Several concepts stood out to me:1. Judge a partner based on subjective criteria, not objective criteria. Too often women judge based on objective criteria, such as how tall a man is, what school he went to, what are his hobbies, where he is from, how much money does his family have, what he does for a living, etc. While these attributes play a role, and it's nice to find someone who fits our ideal in these categories, we shouldn't rule out someone right away because he doesn't meet one or all of these desires. The objective things are not as important as the subjective criteria, things that are absolutely essential in a relationship. For example, Is he kind? Is he intelligent? Does he have a sense of humor? Empathy? Is he hardworking? Is he family oriented? Lori suggests that we prioritize things we would want in a marriage partner rather than things you would want in a girl friend, colleague, or an exercise buddy. Those things are nice, but don't rule someone out because of it because he might still be a great guy without them.2. Be a satisfiser, not a maximizer. Lori borrows this concept from Barry Schwartz, psychologist who wrote "The Paradox of Choice." The recommendation is don't look for the best partner possible, look for someone who is good enough, and then move on with your life! Schwartz talks about how having more options doesn't help us make a better choice. If we look at 100 sweaters, when we finally pick one out, we are apt to be less happy with our choice than if we had just considered 10 sweaters. The stakes are much higher in marriage than in choosing a sweater, but the costs are higher too. In relationships, you don't have the option of going back to the previous person if you don't find someone better. And if you take too long, you may find that the good ones have already been taken. Unlike shopping, dating means that the other person has to choose YOU too. And for women, the older you get, the harder it gets to get chosen.3. Dating is a sunk cost. Relationships are huge financial, temporal, and emotional investments. Every time you break up, you lose the investment you made in that relationship, and you have to start from the beginning with the next person. If you keep doing this, all you have are sunk costs and wounds in your heart that take years and years to heal. But if you marry the person you have invested in, then that investment will continue to grow and be a foundation of memories that you will look back upon fondly, instead of sadly. This is also an argument not to stay in the wrong relationship for an extended period of time. Many people feel that they should pursue their career, experience an exciting social life, and "have fun" before they "settle down." There are a lot of misconceptions about this maxim because nothing says that you can't do those things with a partner. In fact, you will have more fun, more excitement, better sex, and even improve your career if you have a supportive and adventurous partner. The limitations only apply if you have a baby or take a mortgage right away.So after you have read this book, I suggest that you do the following: Take a look at your current and previous relationships, and assess whether you judged those people based on subjective or objective criteria, and realistically whether they would make good marriage partners for you. Also think about your own assets and what they merit. And maybe why people in your past broke up with you. A good marriage doesn't depend on a perfect partner who never makes you irritated or unhappy, those things are bound to come up some times. Much of a successful relationship depends on your commitment to make it work.These things said, choose carefully because you don't want to end up in an unhappy marriage. Unhappy marriages are worse than no marriage at all. But a good marriage is definitely superior to being single and looking.