---
product_id: 4382543
title: "Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered"
price: "€ 28.52"
currency: EUR
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reviews_count: 13
url: https://www.desertcart.de/products/4382543-born-for-love-why-empathy-is-essential-and-endangered
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region: Germany
---

# Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered

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## Description

The groundbreaking exploration of the power of empathy by renowned child-psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry, coauthor, with Oprah Winfrey, of What Happened to You? “Empathy, and the ties that bind people into relationships, are key elements of happiness. Born for Love is truly fascinating.” — Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project From birth, when babies' fingers instinctively cling to those of adults, their bodies and brains seek an intimate connection, a bond made possible by empathy —the ability to love and to share the feelings of others. In this provocative book, psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry and award-winning science journalist Maia Szalavitz interweave research and stories from Perry's practice with cutting-edge scientific studies and historical examples to explain how empathy develops, why it is essential for our child development into healthy adults, and how modern parenting can raise kids with empathy while navigating threats from technological change and other forces in the modern world. Perry and Szalavitz show that compassion underlies the qualities that make society work—trust, altruism, collaboration, love, charity—and how difficulties related to empathy are key factors in social problems such as war, crime, racism, and mental illness. Even physical health, from infectious diseases to heart attacks, is deeply affected by the neurobiology of our human connections to one another. As Born for Love reveals, recent changes in technology, child-rearing practices, education, and lifestyles are starting to rob children of necessary human contact and deep relationships—the essential foundation for empathy and a caring, healthy society. Sounding an important warning bell, Born for Love offers practical ideas for combating the negative influences of modern life and fostering positive social change to benefit us all. This compelling guide to brain development reveals how and why the brain learns to bond with others—and is a stirring call to protect our children from new threats to their capacity to love. Combining cutting-edge neuroscience with unforgettable stories, Born for Love explains: The Neurobiology of Connection: How our brains are hardwired for love and why human relationships are essential for both physical and mental health, from infancy into adulthood. Child-Rearing for a Compassionate Society: How modern lifestyles, technology, and changing educational practices can threaten a child’s capacity for empathy, and what parents and educators can do to foster resilience. The Science of Empathy: The fascinating link between empathy and major social issues like crime, racism, and war, explained through cutting-edge research and unforgettable stories from Dr. Perry’s clinical practice. Fostering Positive Social Change: Practical, science-backed ideas for combating the negative influences of modern life and building a more caring, connected, and healthy society for everyone.

Review: Born for Love and Hope - "We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end," quoted from Disraeli,is how Perry and Szalavitz start an exploration of how children learn to love-or not. Perry is an international expert on how childhood trauma, abuse or neglect leaves developmental gaps in a young girl or boy's brain. More importantly, he tells what we can do about it. Szalavitz is an award-winning science journalist who creates a coherent narrative of the ten children and their families who are the characters of this book. No work of fiction is as compelling as entering the lives of these young children and their journey to young adulthood. Humans need the capacity for empathy-without it, the ability to love is lost. These children are hungry, even desperate for love, and hungry for learning, but the deficits in brain development due to the trauma, drama and chaos of the first four years of life, during which their brains were literally organizing, resonates down their early years. Perry makes the case that all the "Golden Rules" in major religions show how "morality depends on our ability to see the world from other points of view. And this starts with mirror neurons." Right there is what makes this book unique; what we experience as religious, moral and ethical choices in life all begin with what our brains are capable of. "Empathy is the basis of compassionate action...the foundation of trust, which is necessary for the successful functioning of everything from relations to families to governments and, yes, to economies." What I love about Perry's approach, though, is the lack of moralizing. Here's what happened to this kid's brain and when; here's the consequences of that, now and in the future. Let's find out where the gaps are in brain development, fill in the gaps, and help the kid make better choices. It's a simple process of science-based assessment and treatment, with positive outcomes. It's not easy, but doable. Children, families, schools, neighborhoods, county/state child welfare systems, all benefit when the kid moves from raging and hurting to soothing and healing. Perry doesn't offer psycho-pablum, such as "all kids are resilient, they'll get over it." When early trauma is intermittent and moderate, a child can be resilient; but when the trauma is sustained and severe, the child is vulnerable, not resilient, and needs help delivered in a way that maximizes brain change and healing. These children need connection, need claiming and consistency, not shuttling them from one foster family or treatment center to another. Perry prescribes six "R's" in his approach: playful engagement needs to be rhythmic (to affect deep down in the brainstem), repetitive (creating patterns), relational (safe, stable), relevant (geared to child's developmental stage, not chronological age), rewarding (pleasurable) and respectful (of the child, family and culture). Without intervention, they rage, act out, hurt themselves, their families, other children, end up in detention, homeless, insane or in prison. As a society, we need to make good choices about how we spend our charitable and tax dollars on child trauma and neglect; otherwise these children make brain-traumatized choices that cost them and us much pain, injury, money and lives. No empathy breeds impaired, broken and lost relationships; loving, thoughtful care creates well brains, good choices and productive lives.
Review: Excellent - I absolutely loved this book. It was written well, always engaged the reader and was never too slow, dry or boring like many non-fiction books can be. I enjoy the authors' style, sense of humor and flow. They had a very good balance of introducing examples/case studies that demonstrated the importance of empathy, and explaining the science and inner workings behind it. This kept the book interesting and also allowed the reader to understand the implications and meaning of what the authors were teaching in more than one way. Another thing I like about this book was the leveling it showed between races and socioeconomic statuses, because when it comes down to it all people are the same. For example, the wealthy American teenager with multiple nannies in infancy developed Attachment Disorder--just like the adopted Russian teenager who spent her first two years in a crowded orphanage with dozens of workers. The book also gave examples of programs to promote empathy, explained how it is a necessity to not just people being "nice", but societies as a whole prospering, and what everyone should (and sometimes should not) do in order to create a happier, more empathetic world where everyone can live the best life possible. This is best, most interesting psychology book I've read in a long time. I would recommend and even demand that everyone who can read it does so.

## Technical Specifications

| Specification | Value |
|---------------|-------|
| Best Sellers Rank | #50,343 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #100 in Popular Child Psychology #241 in Popular Psychology Pathologies #1,245 in Personal Transformation Self-Help |
| Customer Reviews | 4.7 out of 5 stars 1,006 Reviews |

## Images

![Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61YA45m2M+L.jpg)

## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Born for Love and Hope
*by D***K on September 28, 2010*

"We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end," quoted from Disraeli,is how Perry and Szalavitz start an exploration of how children learn to love-or not. Perry is an international expert on how childhood trauma, abuse or neglect leaves developmental gaps in a young girl or boy's brain. More importantly, he tells what we can do about it. Szalavitz is an award-winning science journalist who creates a coherent narrative of the ten children and their families who are the characters of this book. No work of fiction is as compelling as entering the lives of these young children and their journey to young adulthood. Humans need the capacity for empathy-without it, the ability to love is lost. These children are hungry, even desperate for love, and hungry for learning, but the deficits in brain development due to the trauma, drama and chaos of the first four years of life, during which their brains were literally organizing, resonates down their early years. Perry makes the case that all the "Golden Rules" in major religions show how "morality depends on our ability to see the world from other points of view. And this starts with mirror neurons." Right there is what makes this book unique; what we experience as religious, moral and ethical choices in life all begin with what our brains are capable of. "Empathy is the basis of compassionate action...the foundation of trust, which is necessary for the successful functioning of everything from relations to families to governments and, yes, to economies." What I love about Perry's approach, though, is the lack of moralizing. Here's what happened to this kid's brain and when; here's the consequences of that, now and in the future. Let's find out where the gaps are in brain development, fill in the gaps, and help the kid make better choices. It's a simple process of science-based assessment and treatment, with positive outcomes. It's not easy, but doable. Children, families, schools, neighborhoods, county/state child welfare systems, all benefit when the kid moves from raging and hurting to soothing and healing. Perry doesn't offer psycho-pablum, such as "all kids are resilient, they'll get over it." When early trauma is intermittent and moderate, a child can be resilient; but when the trauma is sustained and severe, the child is vulnerable, not resilient, and needs help delivered in a way that maximizes brain change and healing. These children need connection, need claiming and consistency, not shuttling them from one foster family or treatment center to another. Perry prescribes six "R's" in his approach: playful engagement needs to be rhythmic (to affect deep down in the brainstem), repetitive (creating patterns), relational (safe, stable), relevant (geared to child's developmental stage, not chronological age), rewarding (pleasurable) and respectful (of the child, family and culture). Without intervention, they rage, act out, hurt themselves, their families, other children, end up in detention, homeless, insane or in prison. As a society, we need to make good choices about how we spend our charitable and tax dollars on child trauma and neglect; otherwise these children make brain-traumatized choices that cost them and us much pain, injury, money and lives. No empathy breeds impaired, broken and lost relationships; loving, thoughtful care creates well brains, good choices and productive lives.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Excellent
*by T***E on June 9, 2013*

I absolutely loved this book. It was written well, always engaged the reader and was never too slow, dry or boring like many non-fiction books can be. I enjoy the authors' style, sense of humor and flow. They had a very good balance of introducing examples/case studies that demonstrated the importance of empathy, and explaining the science and inner workings behind it. This kept the book interesting and also allowed the reader to understand the implications and meaning of what the authors were teaching in more than one way. Another thing I like about this book was the leveling it showed between races and socioeconomic statuses, because when it comes down to it all people are the same. For example, the wealthy American teenager with multiple nannies in infancy developed Attachment Disorder--just like the adopted Russian teenager who spent her first two years in a crowded orphanage with dozens of workers. The book also gave examples of programs to promote empathy, explained how it is a necessity to not just people being "nice", but societies as a whole prospering, and what everyone should (and sometimes should not) do in order to create a happier, more empathetic world where everyone can live the best life possible. This is best, most interesting psychology book I've read in a long time. I would recommend and even demand that everyone who can read it does so.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Empathy underpins social health and harmony
*by R***H on November 13, 2015*

This book contains many life insights as well as methodology to assist mental disease. The extensive use of case studies explains the new principles presented by the authors well. The link between oxytocin and empathy where empathy can reduce social disorders has apparent promise as a treatment strategy. The examination of 'social capital' present in Iceland was also fascinating - again more empathy leads to more trust and therefore more social harmony. An important factor regarding empathy is the authors' reference to the golden rules in the major religions of loving your neighbor as yourself which they explain as follows: 'All these "golden rules" show how greatly morality depends on empathy and our ability to see the world from other points of view....' Empathy and the best value system work well together for social health and harmony. Easy to read and a good reference book.

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*Last updated: 2026-07-06*