Reconcilable Differences: Connecting in a Disconnected World Kindle Edition

“Reconcilable Differences” by Dawna Markova and Angie McArthur has given invaluable insight into communication, learning, and trust dynamics.My husband and I bought a ridiculously complicated Toto toilet. I watched the plumber take everything out of the box and investigate all of the moving/non-moving parts. The only thing he left in the box was the 65-page installation/user manual! After the plumber had figured out the entire beast he said, “It’s faster if I figure it out myself first, then read.” I would have been worried but I was in the middle of reading “Reconcilable Differences,” so I got it. Then he said, “Reading confuses me. I start reading and something in the text takes my mind to another idea and I space out, but my eyes are still following the words on the page. My 7-year old son is the same way, but if he moves around while he reads he gets it, so we encourage him to sit on the floor, that way he can change positions as he is reading.” I said “I have a book for you” (book two)As I was three-quarters through “Reconcilable Differences” a good friend called complaining that her husband didn’t hear her, she was at a breaking point. I suggested writing her request/concern and giving the written correspondence to her partner – just the facts of her concern without tons of emotion. My friend called back that afternoon, it had worked. I thought, “I have a book for you” (book three)Traveling to Portland I left my book, now three-quarters read, at home… Kindle Version (book four)The reason I bought book one:While walking on a beautiful beach at sunset with my husband I casually said, while looking at the water…not him, “Thanks for taking great care of me today.” In a voice I had never heard before, he gently responded, “I try my best.” I looked at him, the timbre of his words and vulnerability of his posture opened my ears and my heart, how did I miss this over the years, he really does bring his A-game to the relationship… I had missed it. As a KAV (one of the 6 visual/auditory/kinesthetic patterns) who loves to “Create Intimacy” I was looking for a specific A-game style of communication and demonstration that I could communicate with and trust. The style I was looking for did not naturally arise from my AKV husband whom I thought of as “critical,” hard for me to trust, a “loner” who goes off by himself to solve our joint problems. After reading the book I re-framed him as a “Fixer.” I saw his desire to fix a situation as one way he loves me and that he prefers to “Think Alone” first then bring his ideas to the table. My husband and I are both reading the book, bonding in areas we would have felt abandoned or unheard.The book has helped me as a teacherEach semester I have one student who does not take notes but rather stares out the window as he/she listens to the lecture. I had always thought the student was bored… Now I have a different respect for what the student may be doing. Most of my students are advanced dancers, very focused with kinesthetic assignments, but a verbal lecture probably sends a few into a sorting/exploring or open/day-dream place. I am now open to other interpretations of what is going on for the student, including being bored!

Much needed medicine for these times! This book is just what I've been calling for. How do we actually reconcile with those who think so differently. It IS possible. We can. And this book shows us how. Clearly. Simply. Helping me to see my blocks and blind spots and find new ways of asking the questions that help us connect... especially when we see the world so differently. This book gives me hope for our future.

I had such a delightful experience exploring the way my mind is "wired", and then learning more about how my partner of over 20 years thinks and learns, too. It was a fun and nourishing experience. There were some very simple suggestions about how we can try to communicate about difficult things, and we have already put them into practice - like walking, if a topic is intense. I don't mean to sound extreme, but in many ways, the information in this book has changed my life. It has helped me to be ok with how I understand things, and to have more compassion for how others learn and think. This was an insightful, thoughtfully organized and incredibly valuable read. I hope everybody reads this book!

Observing the huge rise in how many families and friends angrily break lifelong bonds over differences of opinions, Reconcilable Differences provides a welcome alternative to anyone stuck between enjoyable connection or bitter fragmentation.I learned a lot about my biases and have already used the practice examples to improve my relations with people at work and home. The book gave me specifics about how to connect with people I care about but had written off or given up on.Not being big on these kind of books, I was surprised to learn that I cannot righteously change other people, but only by changing how I approach them, can new possibilities can rise out of the old challenges.

This is the most important book of the season--how do we connect to others who think differently from us? That's the question of our time and this book has the wisdom we need to answer. Their approach is like no other I have ever seen. Yes, it takes work--the courage to open our minds and hearts to others who are different. It's easy to say we should do that--this book is a road map to how.

No one ever really knows all the experiences, hurdles, difficulties and impasses that other people have faced. If someone hasn't experienced more than one of those, they haven't truly lived. It truly is the difficulties, the obstacles, the impasses, the "I can't live with or through this" that we learn, grow and find a resolution. This book gives us the tools to work through the tough times...and to succeed, at least on our terms.

My review describes the understanding I have gained from reading and working with the book Reconcilable Differences - Connecting in A Disconnected World, and its predecessor book, Collective Intelligence – Thinking with People Who Think Differently.What is the question for which Donna and Angie present a solution? Simply put, I interpret is as, we live in a world where social pressures are pushing us to take sides. Yet inside most of us, burns a spiritual flame that tells us we really want to be standing together; not divided; if only we knew how to understand one another.A sage once said, “We can’t solve our problems with the same level of thinking used to create them.” I perceive Reconcilable Differences as a staircase that can take us up to that next level of thinking, and the starting point for our journey into a reconcilable world.For me, reading the book was the first step in the journey. It presented a learning program with four pillars that describe the differing ways that I, and those around me interact with one another; the way we communicate (mind patterns), the way we understand (thinking talents), the way we learn (Inquiry styles), and the way we learn to trust (mapping trust-Ruts and Rivers). Reading this book thoughtfully, planted an outline of the messages of the four pillars into the reference library of my mind.The next step of the journey came as I encountered situations that triggered a recall of the pillar’s messages and the strategies for learning that accompanied them. Taking the time to reflect on those encounters and relate them to the pillars strengthened, clarified and expanded the meaning of those messages. The aha moments started when I begin to connect the meaning of the pillars together into a seamless ability to handle situations of discord. That step of the journey has just begun for me.The Ancient Greeks used the word Philia, to describe friendships founded not only on mutual benefit but also on companionship, dependability, and trust. While the word love is never used in this book, I concluded that Philia was an intended objective of the four pillars.I have come to view the four pillars, to be like the stations in my Gym program. Taken individually, with time and effort, each of those gym stations strengthen different parts of my body. Taken together, they strengthen not only my body–but also my physical and emotional health.Is this book more than just a read? Is it a gym program for the soul? I think so.